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#1
01-14-2006, 08:22 AM
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Vampire For Governor?
Vampire Seeks Governor's Job
Minneapolis, Minnesota - Minnesota voters, who eight years ago elected a former professional wrestler as their governor, may find a self-proclaimed vampire on the ballot for the office this year. "Politics is a cut-throat business," said Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey, who said he plans to announce his bid for governor on Friday on the ticket of the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party. Like Jesse "The Body" Ventura, who was elected governor as an independent in 1998, the 41-year-old Sharkey once was a wrestler, although he spent his time "The Unholiest of Kings: Tarantula" on obscure professional circuits. He claims to respect all religions and if elected, will post "everything from the Ten Commandments to the Wicca Reed" in government buildings. Sharkey also pledged to execute convicted murders and child molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside the state capitol. Sharkey told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that he's a vampire "just like you see in the movies and TV." The field for the governor's race in Minnesota is far from complete. Republican incumbent Tim Pawlenty is widely expected to seek another term in November and his Democratic opponent has not been determined. Sharkey said he planned to announce his candidacy on Friday -- the 13th -- because that was "my lucky number."
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...  If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance...Baffle 'em with bullshit My Karma ran over my Dogma God WAS my co-pilot...But, we crashed in the mountains and...I had to eat him I'm suffocating in what's become of me... The rancid remains of what I used to be 
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#3
01-15-2006, 04:54 PM
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If I lived in the state I'd vote for him just to mess with the system. That and I'd love to say convicted child molesters impaled instead of romaing the streets where they could come into contact with my child, or any others.
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#4
01-16-2006, 12:02 PM
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You either listen to the man or he'll suck your blood. Well, he'll suck your blood anyway, but still listen to him. He might give you free porn. You never know.
I'd vote for him!
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#5
01-16-2006, 05:18 PM
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Quote:
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MISINTUPITATED- The act of removing the spine by use of fire. DEVESTED- The removal of one's vest. SCTUPP- To deficate on a woman after nonconsensual sex.
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#6
01-17-2006, 04:25 AM
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scaryminda15
it might be interesting, the vampire might start a big group of mass distruction and complete chaos sounds cool to me!
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#7
01-18-2006, 01:34 PM
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Quote:
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