#21
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Much better! When I read the beginning now, before he goes to the bar, Clay seems like a real person to me. Bravo!
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#22
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#23
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I do NOT want to get into another "fight" but, the story is great. I love the story, but the formatting is off. I know it's a rough draft. And That's ok. But when you rewrite it, make the formatting like this
INT. Interior Home, 1992, Night Clay & Mary are heard arguing loudly about Clay being a deadbeat drunk as Nathan is seen in front of the tv watching Friday the 13th. Clay I'm the one that puts the food on the fuckin' table, aren't I? Didn't I always provide for you two? Haven't I always given you everything you've wanted? What more do you want from me? Mary You've been unemployed for 2 MONTHS now Clay! 2 MONTHS!!! You aren't even LOOKING for jobs anymore! Well... that's how John Carpenter and Wes craven and all of the scripts are written. Just a suggestion. It IS easier to read it like that, but if you want it to have good formatting, do it like I said.
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#25
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I love it!! The only thing that is bugging me is what Clay says to Nathan before shooting himself. I think he should say something that would leave a real impact on the poor kid. I really like this idea though, the best i've read on here imo. :)
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#26
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I like it..
honestly i do .. i was making a mental image.. I also like zero's opinion..zoom in on the kids blank stare who is still watching friday the 13th.. :D Pink..thats a good idea too but i automatically thought about that kid tommy from the pinball wizard.. his dad killed his mother .. the last thing the dad said was 'you saw nothing..you heard nothing ..you will say nothing' while tommy was in the cot.
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#27
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#28
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Ooooo. Gracias. Greatly appreciated. :D
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#29
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Also , thanks for the kind words! Much appreciated. :D
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#30
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