I don't give a fuck if I'm the only one that posts in here anymore not. I love you all. Have a Happy New Year and whatever you do tonight, do it responsibly.

I was reminded when I woke up this morning why it's a good idea that I don't drink very often anymore. I drank 4 fruit flavored Steel Reserve tall boys and they knocked my ass out long before midnight. I was going to walk down the street to Lowe's to watch the fireworks from the parking lot but I totally missed it. I woke up this morning feeling like I just had minor surgery. I hate to admit it but I'm getting too old for this shit ::big grin::

Well...did our January 1st doing pretty much nothing.
Acid on NYE. Boom and now here I am.

Lucky fucker! ::big grin::

Assuming all goes well though I'm getting a quarter of mushrooms Thursday so I am excited as this will be my first mushroom trip. It's the only drug I think I have never done that I wanted to do. See you on the other side!

Happy New Year, HDC!

When crazy ass internet bitches with kids will tell you whatever the fuck it is I think you want to hear and even say sexual stuff but then completely block every trace of you when you say something sexual back... 2019 logic in a nutshell. I Now understand why these chicks are single mothers.

I used to get angry and blame myself and think it was my fault and all that other stupid shit that made me feel sorry for myself but now I just realize it's not me, it's that stupid fucking creatures exist in this world and some people should seriously have their genitals removed so they cannot reproduce.

Something is Awakening in me, something beautiful, something sacred. And yes, I will admit, I am under the influence currently of two hits of ecstasy and one hit of Molly. That's beside the point because despite my physical trip, my internal trip is suddenly repairing everything in my brain that I have been missing for the last several years of my life that reciprocates and understands emotions and how to love and see things for the beauty in them and be able to let go. Life is Beautiful again.

Tonight I have discovered that I and in some ways more than others, a narcissist. I don't feel like that has to be a bad thing though if it is used in the correct ways. I know I come off as pretentious, a know-it-all, arrogant, selfish, insecure, jealous, vengeful, prideful, and whatever other cliche you can think of to throw at me that you have observed in my behavior, I respect it. But what if I could take all of that to create something positive for the world and actually try to make this world livable for the Human Race 2 survive for thousands of more years. I know that is very grandiose but can't never could do anything, could he?

It's cool, man...everyone's narcissistic to some degree. It's a human flaw.

Happy belated new Year ::smile::

::shocked::


Holy hell, dude! How are you?! What's been going on? I have a million questions, and can't think of one! ::big grin::

Oh man... I can't even begin to describe the last 36 hours that have done everything from completely stripping my ego and showing me exactly who I am, what I want, and the way I have been talking to people. I use such aggressive words because I don't take the time to think and when I get angry I want to explode with the most hurtful things I can and I know that's what drives people away because I never learned how to slow down and stop nuclear bombing everyone with all of my emotions all at once when most of the time I don't even know what I'm feeling because I immediately feel regret afterwards.

What I can tell you guys from memory is this. After I Disappeared last night, I ate more shrooms because I did not get the experience I wanted the first time. I was lying on my couch and I had 10000 Days by Tool playing on my stereo and I had on my TV a psychedelic trance video that I was watching as I was listening to the music. If you are familiar with the album, the song Jambi what's playing and it's very upbeat and in the video it was very colorful and the color started coming for me like it was trying to pull me in. It's slowly got closer and closer until the song stopped and the colors and imagery that was coming at me came back into the TV I guess because somehow I was picturing it with the music.

And now comes the interesting part. Wings for Marie started playing which is a very low and very dark song with thunder even so naturally different colored dragons start coming at me slowly and creeping up on me and it's like I could see them blowing fire out their nostrils. They were small but there were many of them from green to Yellow to red and the fire was translucent Orange. At one point a golden dragon started flapping its wings toward me and I got the feeling it was friendly. It passed me and disappeared. As the music continue playing I kind of noticed in my head that it seemed stuck like it was just the exact same two or three seconds repeating itself and then as the dragon started getting closer they just pulled back and everything around me started fading to Black. It was almost as if I was dying, which in a sense I was. However, I knew what to expect. I suppose I was able to burn it into my subconscious which is a good thing because it kept me calm. In fact I even remember verbally kind of laughing and being sarcastic and saying something like oh no here it comes.

The rest is mostly a blur for right now but I am piecing it together and I will get back to you guys with the rest.

I wrote myself a very frank email...well, that's what I ended up doing anyway...

My intention was to simply lay out my plan for getting fit, losing weight, and document the process along the way so I might be able to hand on advice, recognise what works, what doesn't, and list my challenges along the way.

It's funny when you start to follow certain trains of thought, when you're truly introspective. Some of it was actually a bit upsetting to acknowledge, in terms of basically how I feel about myself.
Trying, isn't the same as wanting to try, or trying to try, which is basically what I've been doing for the last few years.
I think it's important that people learn to draw a distinction between the two.
Too much procrastination. Too many excuses and lazy logic. Too many "You're doing well so this allows for that" occasions.
The shit is hard, but mainly in my mind...which is way harder to change than your body.

So yeah nothing really more to report, I just thought it was interesting that I set out to do one thing and ended up ripping everything out of myself that I could, to lay it all out and be honest with myself...it's not as though I couldn't do it in my mind, but there's something about writing it out.

Don't know if this "diary" type thing will ever be seen by anyone else...I'm not the kind to really go that public with things. But it's there, it exists at least for me.

So in short, diet changes, more actively taking my dog on longer walks, and actual SOLID, ongoing gym attendance.
My first step is that I've paid for an actual session with a personal trainer to write me a program. I'll be attending no less than four times a week for around an hour and a half every time.

...of course, what happened at the beginning of the year?
Me and the family got sick with some kinda flu crap.
So yeah my PT session is on Monday - and all going well that will be my "real" start point. The dietary changes are already underway. The dog walks are already underway. I just need to stop hacking horrible shit outta my lungs now.

Blahblahblah that's me done.

Youtube - Sign in to confirm your age.
Gmail - Never asked for age.
Logic?

We have to do that in the states here if it's a video that is considered make sure.

Coincidentally, I went live on Facebook yesterday morning around 5:30 a.m. because I for some reason felt compelled to document my trip, or at least my first one. Around 6 a.m. or so is when they started to affect me, depending on how full your stomach is, it can take anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes to take effect.

The reason psychedelics make you feel bad about yourself in certain aspects is because they completely strip away your ego and your subconscious completely takes over and shows you who you truly are. For example, have you ever came out of a trip and then suddenly said to yourself, oh my God I can't believe I've not known this all along about myself? That is because as your ego is stripped and you are exposed just psychedelics heal you and they strengthen you and make you see. I am not sure what all you have taken or experienced but different medicines have different effects. I do like acid but I much prefer natural medicines like mushrooms, DMT and mescaline. The more stronger, the mushrooms and DMT, will render you unconscious if you have a strong enough dose and pull you into a world that that you can clearly understand is not this dimension. Everything moves in spirals, including yourself and as you practically melting away, for me anyway, when the colors from the TV start approaching me and then turn into dragons is when it just felt like everything was becoming a liquid. I don't even remember passing out but I did.

Right now all I can remember is some sort of chant that kept repeating itself and eventually it started feeling like I was spiralling upwards, keep in mind at this point my body no longer existed, all I can remember is it was leading up to something that was going to reveal the meaning of life because as the chanting continued it was getting louder and louder like more people were doing it and quicker and more intense. Then all of a sudden I saw all these events Flash before me that I couldn't physically see but I knew what they were and remembered them. Like it was my life flashing before my eyes and it moved so quickly but I comprehended everything and then as all the darkness that was surrounding the rest of me started fading away and giving shape to some sort of open room that I was lying in. I was still not in my physical form but yet it was as if I was. Finally this chant finished and somehow it was in reference to the meaning of life All Along being a joke and the way I perceived it was it's just a cycle as in we die and then are just reborn but not as another human, but into a whole other concept all together. As the room around me was lighting up, I started hearing this voice in my head as if I was speaking for my life. It's like as if I was trying to say everything I could to remain in denial that I was in heaven but finally, inevitably I realized in my mind I was in heaven, I guess maybe because that's the word I have for whatever is beyond considering we don't know yet.

Unless something else happened that I can't remember yet, that is when I came out of it but when I did I was extremely disoriented and still tripping my ass off. At this point I was exhausted because I had been up for a long time so I just laid here enjoying the visuals until I finally fell asleep.

Sounds like you got your face stolen.
Next time I get my hands on some a those things I'm gonna sink 'em in some honey for awhile.

This is similar to what the friendly go dragon look like. I'm not necessarily sure the colored Dragons Were evil, they were kind of dancing around me and whenever I breathe out my nose they kind of backed off just a little bit but they were breathing translucent fire that obviously wasn't real but it was just so astonishing. I think they might have been there to guide me.

Happy Belated....been a bit

Happy Christmas and Merry New Years to ya, Newb!

ShankS Man, you're here. Hey.

I would love to be able to find someone who could help me see about arranging to sit in on a Native American ayahuasca ceremony. I am not exactly sure where, but I know there are plenty of places outside of Las Vegas in the desert where Native Americans still live and perform these rituals.

If I am unable to find a way to do this all is not lost, I can actually purchase the ingredients online and then make the tea here. A DMT Transcendence his much more peaceful and controllable then a mushroom Transcendence. I have not made it to that level with DMT yet but just considering how the trip was going to pull me in, it was so much more peaceful and calm. The mushroom trip pulling me in was beautiful but intense and then when The Tool song Jambi stop playing everything started getting darker and then wings for Marie made the dragons come. I could feel reality closing in on me as if I were in a casket being lowered down and I could even Envision skulls around me. I still have the ability to think at this point, knowing I actually wasn't dying, I knew I was going to be shown something that was going to scare something out of me as I knew I was subconsciously going to hell.

I do want to go ahead and warn Anyone who reads this who has never tried psychedelics before but are considering it, you need to study on what they do to you and how they make you feel and realize they can make you feel bad about yourself if there is something negative going on in your life because it takes away your ego which basically takes away any denial you have and it shows you the guilt and makes you feel the shame. Some people cannot handle that While others can and it actually helps you improve that automatically because your subconscious now has new abilities so to speak that it never had before. Did you know that your subconscious cannot tell the difference between you dreaming or being awake? When you repeatedly tell yourself something and went to convince yourself, for example, you tell yourself you are an amazing artist or speaker, Etc. You start feeling more energetic and more enthusiastic towards your work and you feel in your head that you are amazing and it gives you a boost of confidence, does it not? That's because these thoughts are breaking through your filter which separates the conscious from the subconscious. Your conscious memories aren't really the memories that you need to store away in a permanent archive if you will. You remember something you need to buy at the grocery store, that's in your conscious memory because once you buy it it will most likely be forgotten. This energy and drive and confidence you give yourself just continues to radiate in a spiral that drives your ego because you're self-conscious sees what an improvement is happening to your body and mind but also your confidence, which inflates the ego.

When you take psychedelics, whether if you go unconscious or not, your ego will be stripped down and anything underneath that you are not dealing with or that is holding you back will Force itself out of you. That's why it is very difficult for some people, especially people going into it thinking it's some kind of party drug when it really isn't.

As odd as this sounds, not long after making that previous post, I came into contact with someone who can get me some ayahuasca, which is what the natives drink for their DMT trips. It'll be next week sometime when I get it but I have to say, I am feeling so overjoyed. Don't worry though guys, I'm not going to make a habit out of this, I'm just using this opportunity where I would otherwise be depressed during the winter solstice, to enrich my mind.

Oh fortune!

I have set a goal and challenge for myself. At the end of May I am going to go camp for a week in the Redwood forest in Northern California. This is a place I have always wanted to visit and even had reoccurring dreams about as a child before I even knew what the Redwoods were, where they were or really anything else for that matter other than I was in the woods with the tallest trees I had ever seen, which later turned out to be redwoods, and the lighting all around was orange. I dreamed I had a tomb of sorts that was way out in the wilderness away from everyone and everything and that's where I was buried. Perhaps I am meant to die there oh, I don't know. I do know I have always wanted to take a trip there but I have never really had the means or the way to get there and even once I did get there, the knowledge of how to get to and from the campsite but I have been taking my time to figure all of this out and save the necessary amount of money needed and needless to say, if all goes the way I would like it to, I am going to get to camp in a huge Golden Meadow on the beach with the Pacific Ocean and beautiful Cliffs on one side and the Redwood Forest on the other. I want to have some time alone in nature and most likely will be taking some mushrooms and or Ayahuasca with me to have this experience I feel like I need.

I saw something' about a 2019 psychedelics conference goin' on in AZ...
Myself I just made up my mind today, I'm goin' to the National Rainbow Gathering in MN. this summer. ::smile::

I don't suppose you would be willing to let me go with you would you?

WOW...WTF happened to this forum. It's pretty much one or two posters totally dominating every thread. I pop in every once in awhile hoping to maybe converse a bit but it's always the same boring stuff. zwoti....feel free to ban my ass.

Caravan? Hell yeah!
I gotta feelin' tho that the 2020 National may make a westward swing...maybe even south-westward.

I'm sure there's all kinds of cool shit out here. I have always wanted to go to burning man but I'm not going to pay $700 plus 200 more dollars to camp out for a week for that shit. I don't know if it's true or not but supposedly they are going to have a Woodstock this summer to celebrate the 50th Anniversary but again, I don't know if that's true or not. But if you ever get the notion to want to go to something like that and would like someone to go with you let me know, I could take a bus up to Montana to meet you.

Yeah I caught word of that 50th Woodstock aniversary that'd be hit! Too far outta my range tho..

I imagine it would be a bunch of garbage anyway. Probably some stupid shit they would have Beyonce at or something and try to pass it off as rock and roll. I think it would be safe to say that Willie Nelson will be there though considering he has performed at the other three.

Everyone left.

Hey! I think the 2 times the site went offline really killed things. And now apparently there"s no way for new members to sign up.

I'm not sure how I should feel about a guy who is immediately giving permission to be banned.

Like I said under "reason", it's not something I wanted to do...but if it's a request I'll honour it.
Zwoti has been gone like, almost longer than any of the original (or near original) crew here, and this is something of a loss...but it's on me.

Personally I'd rather someone came back and like tried to throw in to the place and see if we can help it out, get closer to what it used to be etc.
He's right though.
Anyone that's been here for a while knows this.
The place has died.
Each time it went off, more long term members lost interest. Less new members came in because it looked dead. Facebook. All of that and we have this forum that's just like a dead body getting rolled around in the waves...it's like a dead city.

It is what it is though.
It is, what it is.

Sorry you had to go, newb.
Was good seeing you for a second.

Well, he said, "zwoti....feel free to ban my ass." I think it was just an expression, not an actual request, I don't think. If you ban him, would be hard for him to correct a misconception. ::big grin::

Done and done I'm afraid.
It's cool. He has multiple accounts if he wants to come back in, I'd welcome it.
Though it seems like nobody that comes back in is happy with the place, so it is what it is...we keep the shit-show happening one way or another.

I think I could be a shaman. When I posted this morning in the other thread was honestly something I copied from Facebook I posted. I said all of the characteristics except one of them, which I actually think sounds quite far-fetched is telepathy, which I do not have but I am quite empathic. I think the next time I move somewhere I'm going to try to find somewhere with a private area I can start trying to grow certain plants and herbs. I know not all shamans specifically deal in the growing of herbs, but I would still like to start learning how to do my own thing. I just honestly don't know where to begin.

Begin with Salvia

I've never tried Salvia and judging by the way it makes people react, I really don't want to.