Yeah I hear ya. A lot of my doctors sucked because I felt like they were either telling me what I wanted to hear or judging me and offering no real help. Like that one lady who tried to tell me and my Mom that anger is not a symptom of Bipolar Disorder (I'm sure you and anyone else with or around anyone with Bipolar Disorder will agree that uncontrollable anger IS a symptom!), and she even tried to tell me that I didn't have empathy either. ::roll eyes::

I understand that I do need medication but I think my ways of managing and coping with it have been self-taught with no real help from those doctors. All it took was for me to realize that I actually have a problem.

I think a lot of it besides the medicine is just me because I spend all my time alone. I know I am in a new city and haven't had a chance to meet people but it was even like this back in Virginia around the people I grew up with. I was seen as an outcast when I moved there from St.Louis when I was 9 years old so I never had a social life and never really got to make real friends and now I am pretty socially awkward so I think my isolation along with my bipolar work together and bringing me down. I get out when I can and try to socialize with people just to help me loosen up and feel better about approaching random strangers just to strike up conversations. I mean if I didn't talk to anyone and didn't get out of my comfort zone from time to time I could never Riding my horizons. I have moved to Vegas and realize I have the ability to take care of myself and get out and go to places I need to go on my own no, it has given me loads of confidence I never had in Virginia.

Do you have Aspergers Syndrome too? That all sounds very similar to what I was going through growing up.

I was a social outcast who never had any friends either because I'm always so awkward around people. I pretty much stay isolated from the world but I'm hoping to fix that someday.

No I don't. I was a social outcast because when I was 9 years old my mother and I moved to the mountains of South West Virginia where everyone that is close knit and even though my mother grew up there I wasn't born there so everyone looked at me as an outcast and never include me in anything.

Oh, well I spent my whole life in Georgia growing up in a small rural town. We were poor and I couldn't go anywhere or do anything except go to school and come home watching TV and playing video games all day. Like I said I was socially awkward because I had Aspergers and kids used to call me "Forrest Gump". They also used to bully me because somehow they all knew I was gay before I was even aware of it.

Yeah, I'm really not looking forward to moving back to that place. I think I would be much happier living in a city.

Come to Vegas. Living here isn't expensive at all.

That'd be awesome, and I'd have at least one buddy to hang out with. ::big grin::

I'm seriously thinking about Tallahasee though since it is very close to my hometown. And I talked to my brother and he said he and his girlfriend might let me come stay with them once my bipolar medication gets figured out because he knows how much I hate my Mom's husband and he said he really does feel bad for me having to put up with it every time she gets back together with him.

I feel like my brother would actually be more supportive of me trying to become independent more than my Mom ever would. He might even help me figure out how to eventually get a place of my own.

It's funny we used to could not stand each other but now that he's growing up and has a family of his own he really has changed a lot. ::smile::

I'm loaded for bear! Gonna get my swerve on this comin' Saturday nite ::smile:: got 2 costumes, 3/4 bottle Absinthe, 12pack of IPA, 5 gallons of water, 2 nites in a cabin, that I'm givin' to guest crashers, I'm gonna sleep in my rig with a heater ::big grin:: delivered the firewood just the other day ::smile::
Thanks to my newly minted single status I've been invitin' all kinds of girls to the party....been so long since I done that. ::cool::::sad::
I'm am stoked for Halloween!

I hope you have a great party! ::smile::

There's this Halloween thing they do in Vegas every year called freakling Brothers. It is 40 or $50 to get in but they have 500 houses and live music and halloweeen carnival games and a bunch of other stuff. If I was going to go to a haunted house I would rather go to the saw escape room. I think that would be so much more fun.

Sounds cool. ::cool::

There's an amusement park in Valdosta called Wild Adventures that does cool Halloween stuff every year. One time they did a cannibal hillbilly theme with actors coming out the swamp trail to scare you with chainsaws and pitchforks. You might have liked it! ::smile::

So...I got myself together a little bit...gonna try and drown some of my sorrow and grief this weekend and then go to Day of the Dead on Nov.2. Gonna pull out the Tux, bring a 7day candle, get a good facepaint job done, and join the procession. I'm gonna scatter some ashes on the streets of the city where Mrs.DBT and I met.....Part of me don't want to go....Part of me feels bound by tradition. So fuckin' cathartic.

Man that has to be tough. I can think of no better way to honor her memory so then for you to do that for her. After all, in the traditional sense that is what El Dia de los Muertos is all about!

When I die I want my body donated to medical science or my organs harvested. Since I am not able to contribute anything to this world in life at least I would feel better about dying knowing that my body can potentially be used to save lives and make the world a slightly better place for people.

I really want to start working on my book but due to being a procrastinator and just waiting for the right time for me to be inspired. I can't just sit down and start writing unless I am feeling it. I have the ideas but just not the motivation

Don't stress on it too much. It's not easy writing a book but when the time is right you'll be able to write it.

I really liked your ideas and thought they were interrsting. ::wink:: What did you think of my idea?

I like your idea although I kind of knew what you were getting at since you told me first what you wanted to write about haha. You should give it a shot as well. I actually had a vampire Novella published back in 2011. My contract expired in 2016 and I had no desire to renew it because. If I can get this onedone I am going to send it to an agent first. I would like to think with all the twists and turns this could be a great southern gothic horror Story

Writers say they have a specific time of day they write. They know there may or may not be inspiration any given minute, but only one way to be sure. Then once they have an outline, they may work on 'less inspirational' details of the book when there isn't a certain type of inspiration writing itself, that is, editing the inspired writings (rewrites of grammar, wording, etc). Or at the very least they just write some uninspired text because it's good practice, establishes the routine and skills, and you don't have to use everything you write.

I have a process where a do the outline in my head and if there are small details I want to use I will write them down but I like to have the entire outline in my head and at least a subplot or two. After writing the above comment, I actually wrote a few paragraphs a few hours ago. The Story begins at a funeral and I wrote a eulogy that is delivered. I am constantly going back and editing while I am writing when I get a little stuck. Then when I am done I go back through Andre edit again. Then I go back and read it and check for any mistakes I might have missed before. Then when I am happy with it I let a few willing people read it and let me know what they think or if they spot any errors or have any ideas that I like. That's what I did with my vampire book, The Blood Reapers. The only problem was every process I did I rushed because my girlfriend at the time was pregnant and getting close to having the baby when the book was accepted by damnation books. I rushed finishing the book and editing it because I knew once the baby was born, which I played for 2 years to, I would have no free time for quite a while to work on the book. This one is different. This time I have all the time in the world and I feel this is such a better story than the blood Reapers.

I have been successful in abstaining myself from my usual hypersexual activity for four days now. I've never been able to do it this long before and I am actually proud of myself. I think that maybe it is possible to quit a nasty habit with a little willpower and a desire to not want to do it again. ::cool::

I'm thinking about going to a free Halloween party tonight. It's at a bar and Nightclub that does a goth night twice a month and tonight is the Halloween party and unofficial after party for the Damned who are playing at the House of Blues tonight. I've been to this club twice and it is Pitch Black in there although I have pretty much figured out the layout and can maneuver around without bumping into people. The only thing I didn't really like is that everyone is pretty much with someone and the times I have been there I haven't really been able to strike up a conversation with anyone but the music is amazing. They play a lot of industrial and a lot of 80s darkwave. Fuck it... I will go and see what happens.

Might be fun? You never no. Personally I don't like going into bars because I don't drink. I only ever went to one once in my life and the only thing I ordered was a coke and I felt like everybody in the bar was looking at me weird. They must have thought I wasn't old enough to be in a bar? I dunno.

If I went it wouldn't be for the alcohol. It's too fucking overpriced in bars and clubs. I would just go for the music and to try to mingle.

Well I know drinking alcohol isn't good for you when you have Bipolar Disorder so I guess it's a good thing I never started. ::big grin::

Unfortunetly so is drinking caffeine so I have had to give up sweet tea and coke. ::sad:: I'll still drink one once in awhile though but I can't too much.

Caffeine has never bothered me and I actually had a couple Budweiser tallboys last night and if I am in a good mood I can drink and be happy but if I am in a bad mood I shouldn't drink at all. As I said before, I'm not a fan of drinking at bars and clubs because not only is it too expensive but I also have to get home afterwards and the one time I did go out and get shit-faced I passed out on the bus and missed my stop so I should probably avoid drinking while I am out somewhere unless I am with someone who drives.

Unfortunetly caffeine has a strong effect on me. ::big grin::

The only time I've ever drank alcohol was when I graduated high school and my cousin gave me some kind of strawberry flavored mixed drink.

Drugs and alcohol aren't for everyone, and that includes weed as well. My father was an alcoholic and a really bad coat head and he took his own life. My mother was such a heavy alcoholic it began destroying her brain and I couldn't even have conversations with her without her forgetting halfway through what we were talking about. She died from cirrhosis of the liver due to such heavy drinking for decades. I will never be like them and the only times I have drink heavy have been when my ex and I split and then back in my younger days when I did a lot of teenage and early twenties partying and experimenting. I have no need for that shit anymore but I still love my psychedelics and an occasional beer or two.

I really am very sorry to hear about your parents. That is very sad. :(

Alcoholism and drug addiction runs rampant in my family too so I kind of understand. My Mama doesn't drink for that same reason.

There are some things I think that are fine in moderation but when you begin to let it consume you Karma you have an addiction and it is very hard to let go of that.

I see MovieLover13 is lurking about ::big grin::

Well that reminds me of a certain nasty habit I have that has nothing to do with drugs... ::big grin::

I really like Earl Grey tea - but not on its own.
I mix with an English Breakfast or some such generic kind of "base tea", then use the earl grey to add it's unique flavour on top of that.

I've thought about making Earl Grey ice cream.
Also Jasmine ice cream.

I have a sore throat.

Today I'm going to replant some ghost pepper seedlings that are getting too top heavy.

Mmmmm... ghost peppers... I want to try a Trinidad Scorpion pepper and a Carolina Reaper since those are the two hottest peppers in the world with the ghost pepper coming in at number three. I used to have the most awesome ghost pepper extract. One drop would pierce your tongue haha.

I've had reaper.
I find that the hotter the chilli the more difficult it is to pick up other subtleties of the flavours. I don't know if they have a less unique flavour or it's just that your tongue is busy being on fire.
I think the "highest level" chilli I've noticed a unique flavour in is scorpions...though I don't really like the actual flavour at all.
The highest level one to actually have a really nice flavour, is the Habanero, or the scotch bonnet if you want like, a sweeter taste? Personally I don't think chillis get better (better, not hotter) than the habanero.

I love habaneros. I used to get and habaneros and put them on my tacos. There was also a cheese shop where I lived at with my ex girlfriend that was ran by Mormons and everything in it was freshly grown or made by them. They had habanero cheddar and it was so damn good.

https://youtu.be/hfmxO-HQ5rU

This song makes me want to visit Australia, but I don't think I'd want to eat a vegamite sandwich. ::big grin::::cool::

Now I remember why I don't watch Family Guy anymore. ::big grin::

Ok I admit that one is pretty funny. Stewie be acting all ghetto. ::big grin::

It's one of those cartoons that isn't for everyone but I am a big fan of it as well as American Dad but my favorite show that is on Adult Swim anyway is Rick and Morty.