It sounds delightful. Ive heard of people wearing it in a pendant etc. How's your son doing these days?

I also like incense.

And I know I am hard on myself but from my standpoint it's difficult because when I was 9 years old and my father died my mother moved me and her from St Louis to South West Virginia away from all of my friends into an area where I didn't know anyone and no one knew me therefore I was an outsider and that stuck with me my entire School career or whatever you want to call it and I never had a social life. All of my friends were going out on dates with women but I couldn't get a date to save my life because everyone knew I wasn't from there and that's why everyone treated me differently and bullied and tormented me every single day. I basically graduated a shell of a person not even really knowing myself and ever since then I have just been trying to get by while being a very lonely person. I was in love once and there was a time when she loved me but we began to drift apart and due to other things Beyond My Control she started thinking I was having an affair so she cheated on me and that's how that ended so it's really fucked me up. It's hard to have a good self-esteem or confidence when everytime I try to do something for myself it blows up in my face thus creating more negativity or pain or stress, but never anything positive to make me feel good about myself. Since I have been in Las Vegas I have tried making friends but the people I have tried making friends with have all been thieves and the times I have tried asking women out I get that generic lying about how I am a great guy that any woman would be lucky to have but not her because women seem to only care about looks And that is very frustrating for someone like me who has never been able to just skip through life never having to worry about how to value a woman or take care of them like most pretty boys do which is why women usually dump them after they fuck them a few times and wine and bitch to all their friends about how they can't find a good guy. Wait a minute who do this kind of thing are so two-dimensional and most of them can't think for themselves and that is not the woman I want. I want someone who is intelligent and can hold a conversation. I know there are good women out there I just don't understand why they are so hard to find and why so many women hold so much against my appearance or my eyesight but yet can come to me and talk to me about anything or tell me I'm a wonderful guy. I'm tired of everyone taking everything for granted or just using people for whatever they can get out of them and tossing them away.

a few nights ago I had this dumb bitch I met on Plenty of Fish invite me to come sing karaoke with her at a bar and so I spent an hour-and-a-half on the buses to get there only for her to tell me five minutes afterwards that she is leaving. She knew what I looked like but she insisted on doing that to me anyway and for what? I want to know why the only women I can attract are such absolute garbage excuses for human beings.

My smudging pot with white sage. ::love::

https://78.media.tumblr.com/e6833220...cu3po1_500.jpg


OooOoOO I'm interested in this Dragons blood https://78.media.tumblr.com/1e400f0f...426o1_75sq.gif

Honestly I think you're being too hard on women. Not all women are that shallow.

Maybe I am, But I do know not all women are that shallow or superficial. It just seems nearly impossible to find them. I am in a big city though with lots of people and places to meet them and I have only been here since May. I have recently started therapy so I am trying to work out my issues there because I know I have them and I think a lot of them come from my ex-girlfriend and what she did to me.

I understand and I often feel the same way about men at times. I've never dated or had a boyfriend but I think it really comes from my autism and low self esteem and the fact that I am so socially awkward.

If you are like me, you are your biggest critic and probably way too hard on yourself. I know I am and I know this whole way I view reality is Warped from the way it actually is. I was deprived of a social life mainly as a child because I was moved to a new area where I was seen as an outsider but when I lived in St Louis I had friends. My father had a very nice job working for Boeing inspecting fighter jets as he was a former Navy pilot. He was a very bad man and did a lot of really bad things to people though, including my mother which I can never forgive him for. His death made her go crazy and she drunk herself to death and died in 2013. I have a lot of baggage, I know. That's why I can say that I like my therapist so far because she seems like she is actually listening to me and talking to me like two friends hanging out rather than a medical professional trying to come off as a medical professional. I have noticed that the nicer people on the west coast seem to be a lot more open-minded and friendly and just have a more comfortable around them then the usual people in the east and south.

Yeah you're absolutely right. I'm always way too hard on myself because I'm a perfectionist.

And to be honest the reason I've been acting so irrational lately is because of the fact that we are moving and I don't handle any kind of change well. But I just need to do the best I can and not get too manic over it. Being back in Georgia for two weeks really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Right on Dbeat! Here go mine...

I'm totally fine with moving because I have done it so much but doing it on my own for the first time like this has been a little nerve-wracking for me, especially since I didn't have my medicine until just last week. Before that I was having a lot of bad manic episodes and coming here and ranting a lot and I guess in a way, the things my ex-girlfriend did to me keeps playing itself over and over in my head which has given me a warped false sense of what women are really looking for in a guy and with my lack of social skills and never really being given the chance to build confidence or self-esteem without it being immediately destroyed, I feel like there is absolutely no hope for someone like me. I have always hated being alone and at one time it was my biggest fear. I have been abandoned or tossed away by so many people I have relied on like my mother and father or my ex-girlfriend Angela, who in the beginning everything was great with but over time we drifted apart but we're too stubborn and stupid to realize we weren't right for each other. In the end she cheated on me and got pregnant because someone told her I cheated on her when I really didn't. The whole situation really fucked me up and I could go into so many more reasons why it fuck me up rather than just the fact that she cheated on me, but I don't want to get anyone to excited. I mean we aren't the Onamia club after all even though some people think otherwise.

Well on the bright side I finally got to meet my baby neice. ::love::

Yeah Bloof he's doin' alright..It's a tough balance to strike tryn' to show the boy positive ways to grieve, when at times I feel broken and drowning.
Just got word about Day of the Dead goin' on down in Missoula Nov.2... part of me is like yeah I got this...and part sees myself lyin' in street struck down by grief.

And what of the remains?...
I have a long list on paper of all our favorite haunts.
Convergence points in the laylines of the earth, sacred places where we shared our love and bared our souls..
How deep in my emotional well must I delve to find the strength to go to these places and scatter ashes?
I can only imagine the state I'll be in..and to let my son see me in that condition..it's tough to face.

I bet she's adorable

DBT, I have never been married but I have lost plenty of loved ones in my life and to be honest, my former girlfriend who I was with for 11 years, one of the ways I try to get past her is to just picture that she is gone. I know it's never easy, especially considering you have a child that will always remind you of her no matter how long it takes your wounds to heal, but time will heal you. You just have to be strong for yourself and for your son. You seem like a very philosophical and open-minded man so I think you got this. Just keep your head held high and stay optimistic and let your love for your wife live on through the child the two of you share together. Remember we are all here for you whenever you need us and we always will be.

Thanks for the good word bro.

I've never been to Day of the Dead, but my understanding is it's celebrating the life of the loved one as part of a grieving process, and you do it with others, which sounds like a positive experience... and I can't speak for you, but sounds like a setting less likely to drown.

I think it's healthy for your son to see you grieve. As I'm sure he does, he ought to know it's OK to grieve, cause dad grieves too. Maybe you should even welcome that.

Did she ask you spread her ashes in these places? If not, I don't know that it's really healthy to put yourself through that. I think our loved ones would want to be remembered, but they wouldn't want us to be tortured by the memories.

She is! And the little tomato head gets so red when she cries just like my brother does when he's upset or blushing. ::big grin::

My bad, I shouldn't of even gone there...I'll get myself together someday.

has anyone seen this yet? it is a Green test of Joaquin Phoenix as the Joker. I am really excited about this as it is an origin story so I'm not really worried about the weird makeup considering in The Killing Joke He was a failed comedian before becoming the Joker. I am really I am really excited about this movie.

I'm not really into The Joker or anything related to Batman. I used to be as a kid but I guess I outgrew it.

It's kind of funny because movies and video games about superheroes and supervillains seem to be all the rage right now. ::big grin::

I did used to like some of the female villains like Poison Ivy, Catwoman, and Harley Quinn. I think Poison Ivy was my favorite because I thought her ability to manipulate mutated plants was cool. Plus she reminded me of an evil Celtic goddess or something.

Well I for one am excited about it as I have always been a joker fan. Even as a little kid I like Jack Nicholson's Joker just as much as Michael Keaton's Batman. I'm not really worried about the makeup either because in The Killing Joke, it briefly tells about the Joker before he they came the Joker and he was a failed comedian which I think is why the makeup and that video looks more like an actual clown rather than the Joker As his entire body is white and you can see his hands are skin colored. I am so excited about this. There is a fan-made Joker origin movie on YouTube that is really good for being a fan film but this is going to obviously be on a whole other level.

I like his crazy clown girlfriend Harley Quinn. She reminds me of Tiffany from Bride of Chucky.

Though I don't care much for the slutty costumes they gave her in the Batman Arkham games.

I was half listening to Joe Biden at John McCain's funeral. That man knows pain whatever else one might think of him. He said words to the effect of " One day you will be able to think of him and a smile will come to your lips before a tear comes to your eye." I thought that was precious and hope you hit that point soon.

Thanks for the good word Bloof.
That F2 y'all had up there recently wasn't in yer neck of the woods was it?

It sure was, thanks for asking. We had no power from friday at supper til late Sunday evening. Did some major damage about the city but we were fine.

so I woke up this morning to a surprise. I had an email telling me I have won two tickets to go see dark tranquility and amorphous Thursday night at the House of Blues. That was certainly a great birthday surprise!

Well happy birthday! ::cool::

Thanks homie! I think I might have actually already found a date for the show. you guys should see the big ass resin ball I just got in from cleaning my bowls. I would post a picture but I don't want to piss off Cheeba again ::big grin::

You know, what I just posted might be inappropriate so I deleted it. I apologize lol

Naw man it's cool...just start a new thread..::big grin::

Haha maybe maybe not. Or maybe I should try and find a sex therapist. ::embarrassment::

::confused:: my bad...I got jokes. Been a longtime tho since I had to burn resin. Buddha Bless.

I really need to get another incense burner...

My cool zombie one was too short to use. :-(

I don't want one of those cheap Walmart ones I need a really cool incense burner that would look nice with my bedroom.

Know what I'm in the market for? A new gargoyle. I'd suggest headshops for a cool burner.

I used to have a cool gargoyle box I bought from a flea market.

Speaking of the flea market I went to one yesterday and bought some cool stuff. The coolest thing I bought was two hand-made dolls designed to look like the women of Ghana in West Africa. They were wearing these beautiful dresses and hats with painted tribal patterns and each woman had a baby wrapped on her back.

I thought they were cool. ::cool::

I've been meaning to get a new incense burner and some incense myself. I had this really weird dream about incense cones last night actually but I never use those. I had a lot of weird ass dreams last night so I think subconsciously my mind was fucking with me and my sleep since today was my birthday and I seem to get stressed out quite easily nowadays.

Honestly from the way you've been posting I think you might be a little manic and I know I have been too.

I am manic. I am bipolar and was pretty damn erratic Without my medicine but since I have gotten back on it and it has started working again, I have been feeling better but I still have my problems of course.

My gosh, Happy Belated Birthday!